Suggestions for Arod

[dystopia]

lmao at this article.

A-Rod must offer one grand apology
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi...2009/02/09/SP8Q15PS9B.DTL

Right now, Alex Rodriguez is munching contemplatively on nougat from a thank-you Candygram from Michael Phelps and trying to figure out what to do next.
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A-Rod's crew might grade the effectiveness, in terms of public forgiveness, of the strategies employed by those miscreants, compiling a list something like this:

Roger Clemens: Throw everyone under the bus, then load the bus with sumo wrestlers and drive it back and forth several times over the pile of friends and loved ones. Grade: F-minus-minus.

Rafael Palmeiro: Make stern, dramatic statement to Congress that you never did steroids. When caught, blame a teammate who played nurse and gave you a "vitamin" injection. Threaten to sue. Grade: Z-minus.

Mark McGwire: Silence ... other than his cameo role in congressional hearings, where McGwire played the bastard spawn of Mr. Whipple and the Cowardly Lion. Grade: F and sinking every day he refuses to say, "My bad."

Sammy Sosa: Dummy up before Congress, saying your English isn't good enough. Congress should have said, "Hey, come on, we deal with George Bush." Grade: F.

Jason Giambi: Give a vague apology, which comes off kind of like a 3-year-old kid playing Chopin - it's awkward and fumbly and off-key, but everyone applauds and goes "Awwww," because it's so cute and sincere. Grade: B.
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Barry Bonds: Absolute wall-to-wall denial. Grade: B in San Francisco, F-minus everywhere else.

Bill Clinton: "I didn't inhale." Total bull, but he gave the nation a good laugh. Grade: F-plus (bonus for the laughter).
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He can't blame evil influences, although, my god, in Texas, A-Rod was a pig in steroid slop. He was a Texas Ranger when he flunked his MLB drug test in '03. His teammates that season and/or the previous season included drug-tainted Juan Gonzalez, Ruben Sierra, Pudge Rodriguez, Palmeiro and John Rocker. At least seven Rangers from '02 and '03 fell under the drug-scandal cloud.

So Rodriguez could say, "It was an accident. I thought I was climbing into the training-room Jacuzzi, but it turned out to be the team's syringe-disposal bin." But he won't.
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Because A-Rod is so big, his steroid apology will have to be an apology on steroids. It will have to move people. Rodriguez will have to deliver the Gettysburg Address of steroid mea-culpa speeches.

Then A-Rod will sit back and hope for Sports Illustrated to break a story that Kurt Warner and LeBron James are spies for a foreign country.

[Fuzzy]

He just admitted using today.

But once he tested positive he quit. 

http://sports.espn.go.com...mlb/news/story?id=3894847

His voice shaking at times, Alex Rodriguez met head-on allegations that he tested positive for steroids six years ago, telling ESPN on Monday that he did take performance-enhancing drugs while playing for the Texas Rangers during a three-year period beginning in 2001.

"When I arrived in Texas in 2001, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. I needed to perform, and perform at a high level every day," Rodriguez told ESPN's Peter Gammons in an interview in Miami Beach, Fla. "Back then, [baseball] was a different culture. It was very loose. I was young, I was stupid, I was naïve. I wanted to prove to everyone I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time.

"I did take a banned substance. For that, I'm very sorry and deeply regretful."

Rodriguez's admission comes 48 hours after Sports Illustrated reported that Rodriguez was on a list of 104 players who tested positive for banned substances in 2003, the year when Major League Baseball conducted survey tests to see if mandatory, random drug-testing was needed in the sport.

Sources who know about the testing results told SI that Rodriguez tested positive for testosterone and Primobolan, an anabolic steroid. In his ESPN interview, Rodriguez said he did not know exactly which substance or substances he had taken. In 2003, there were no penalties for a positive result.

"I am sorry for my Texas years," the New York Yankees third baseman said. "I apologize to the fans of Texas."

Rodriguez, who joined the Yankees for the 2004 season after a trade from Texas, said "all my years in New York have been clean." He also said it felt good to be honest about what he's done in the past.

[Aske]

Bend over and take it.   he should be used to it by now.   

[stroh]

Bend over and take it.   

Clive hears that a lot, too.

[tdcoly]

In response to Gammon asking what substance:

"Again, it was such a loosey-goosey era," Rodriguez said. "I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions. And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."

Damage control.

[Clive]

Bend over and take it.

Clive hears that a lot, too.

Not so much since leaving the law firm, though.

Mostly just weekends now, and trips to Bandon.

[birdymaker]

In response to Gammon asking what substance:

"Again, it was such a loosey-goosey era," Rodriguez said. "I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions. And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."

Damage control.

I'm a dumb*fudge* that lets people shoot unknown substances into my body.  puleeeeeze 

[Clive]

He knew it was steroids.  Did he really need to know the IUPAC name for it?

[Blader]

His bull*feces* was as prime as it gets in that interview

Even back in the dark ages of 2001, if you are walking the earth in the body of an athlete that earns you $25million a year, you know damn well what the hell is going into it

I've filed that confession on a shelf right next to Nixon's little "I am not a crook's crook" admission of not guilty guilt.