Police are funny

[Eagleone]

A friend sent this to me and no I didn't run by snoopes just thought it was funny...

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from
my gun."
#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket"
#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."
#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
And................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?  You're right, we don't.  Sign here.

[TFT]

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

It's always 2 (a couple) of beers.

That's the law, apparently.

[MP]

LOL!  those were great!!!

I actually got caught in a sobriety checkpoint last night after a few.  Chitchatted with the deputy about unincoporated areas and sheriffs patrolling the area despite the city having its own police department.  Got waved through just fine.   

[Torpedo]

Some good ones.