For Clive.

[Jules]

> >>
> >> A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to
> >> university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly
> >> has squandered all of his money.
> >>
> >> He calls home. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe
> >> what modern education is developing. They actually
> >> have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog
> >> Ol' Blue how to talk."
> >>
> >> "That's amazing!" his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue
> >> in that program?"
> >>
> >> "Just send him down here with $2,000," the young
> >> jackaroo says, "I'll get him in the course."
> >>
> >> So ... his father sends the dog and $2,000.
> >>
> >> About two-thirds through the semester, the money again
> >> runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue
> >> doing, son?" his father wants to know.
> >>
> >> "Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just
> >> won't believe this. They've had such good results
> >> with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how
> >> to read."
> >>
> >> "Read?!" exclaims his father. "No kidding! How do we
> >> get Ol' Blue in that program?"
> >>
> >> "Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class."
> >>
> >> The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a
> >> problem. At the end of the year, his father will find
> >> out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots
> >> the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year,
> >> his father is all excited.
> >>
> >> "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with
> >> him, and see him read something!"
> >>
> >> "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news.
> >> Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home,
> >> Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the
> >> recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he
> >> suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy
> >> still messing around with that little redhead barmaid
> >> at the pub?'"
> >> The father groans and whispers, "I hope you shot that
> >> bastard before he talks to your Mother!"
> >>
> >> "I sure did, Dad!"
> >>
> >> "That's my boy!"
> >>
> >> The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[spacey]

A structural engineer, a surgeon, and an attorney were out walking their respective dogs through the park one brisk autumn morning. Each was bragging about whose dog was the superior specimen.

The engineer first decided to have his dog perform a feat of such excellence none of the other dogs could compete.

"Ratchet," said the engineer to his dog, "show them what you can do."

Immediately the dog ran to the nearest pond and began gathering sticks and twigs. Within no time, Ratchet had constructed a bridge out of the sticks and twigs that allowed each of the three men and the three dogs to walk across the pond.

"Good dog, Ratchet," said the engineer. "Here's a biscuit."

The other two men were impressed, but remained unconvinced. The surgeon decided next to show of what his dog was capable.

"Scalpel," said the engineer to his dog, "show them what you can do."

Without further prompting, the dog found a squirrel lying dead on the ground, skillfully split open the rodent's chest with a sharp claw, and began to perform open cardiac massage. The squirrel's eyes opened, and the dog took a strand of its own tail hair and sutured the squirrel's chest cavity closed.

As the squirrel scampered away, the surgeon said, "Good dog, Scalpel. Here's a biscuit."

The attorney, not to be outdone, called his dog over to have him show off his skills.

"Loophole," said the attorney to his dog, "show them what you can do."

The dog sprang to action. Without hesitation, he screwed the other two dogs and took their biscuits.

[Aske]

the aristocrats!

[stroh]

roflcopter.

Those are good.

[Clive]