rant- and it really sucks to do this on Christmas

[Darla]

My best friend of 20 years....

Her *fudge*in' husband! He has been going thru something the past couple of months, so she suggested couples therapy, or therapy for him by himself. They don't fight, not like anything out of the ordinary, in fact up until last year every thing was wonderful. Then our friend past away last October, the passing of our friend affected a lot of people. (Spanky posted about it.)

Well my friend gave him the ultimatium (therapy), if you will, in October, she came back from a trip with her sister and mom and he seemed even more distant than he had before she left. He even started to drink. He has never drank! His dad is an alcoholic and an abusive man. His sister is a recovering alcoholic. He didn't want to be like his dad, so he thought that his dad drinking was a big part of it. So when she came back from her trip and saw that he was drinking she knew something was wrong. He gave her some garbage about how he wasn't in love with her anymore, but he still loves her. What the *fudge* does that mean.

So he went once to therapy, not sure if he went again. Well, then 2 weeks ago he comes back from Austin and says he doesn't want to go any where. So she puts her guard down and is letting everything go back to normal. *bunghole* says Monday night that he is not going to stay, and for her not to give up on him. She tells him you already gave up on me.

*goshdarn* *bunghole* packs his *feces* up and leaves today. As my friend sends me the text, it reads "He packed and left. Merry F'ing Christmas!"

They have 2 children, a 12 year old (girl) and an almost 8 year old (boy). What a way to ruin Christmas. I am so mad at him for spoiling Christmas for them. Couldn't he have waited until tomorrow or even Saturday. Hell, why not do it 2 months ago when you wanted to. (that is me assuming he wanted to).

I am sad for my friend. I am MAD! However that isn't going to get me anywhere. I will be here for her when she needs me, but I wish she and her children didn't have to go through this. I hope I didn't ruin anyones Christmas I just needed to write..

[MFAWG]

 

[Aske]

 

[Jules]

What a *goshdarn* prick!

[geo1]

What a *goshdarn* prick!

Does not even remotely describe what that guy is.

[birdymaker]

this dude obviously cares nothing about his kids or his wife. only about himself.

[Spanky]

What a *goshdarn* prick!

Does not even remotely describe what that guy is.

Very true.

Since we (we meaning Darla and I as well as the family he is abandoning) still don't understand why. He has given no real reason for it. For as long as I have known him he did not want to be like his dad. He kept saying that over and over when talking about his family.

And now he is doing exactly that. He is abandoning his family.

To say I am mad about this too is an understatement. No one should go through this at this time of year.

Darla talked to her friends dad. A very nice guy. She asked him "so how are you?" his answer was "Nothing a baseball bat and 15 min wouldn't fix".

To say this bothers me too is a bit of an understatement. But for now I am being supportive. We both want to pack her and her kids up, bring them over here and protect them. I know we really don't have to do that and for now all we can do is try and be supportive without being overbearing.

[MFAWG]

This isn't that hard to figure out.

For as long as I have known him he did not want to be like his dad.
He kept saying that over and over when talking about his family.

And now he is doing exactly that. He is abandoning his family.

It's the psychological equivalent of standing on the tee and saying 'Don' hit it in the bunker'.

What you're going to do is hit it right in the bunker.

Not to be an ass, but this didn't help:

He has been going thru something the past couple of months, so she suggested couples therapy, or therapy for him by himself.


Well my friend gave him the ultimatum (therapy), if you will, in October, she came back from a trip with her sister and mom and he seemed even more distant than he had before she left.

 Therapy would probably help, but issuing ultimatum's to do so only convinced him that he was too *fudge*ed up to hang on.


The guy is a *8==>*, don't get me wrong. The timing alone proves that.

[Darla]

Well my friend gave him the ultimatum (therapy), if you will, in October, she came back from a trip with her sister and mom and he seemed even more distant than he had before she left.

 Therapy would probably help, but issuing ultimatum's to do so only convinced him that he was too *fudge*ed up to hang on.


The guy is a *8==>*, don't get me wrong. The timing alone proves that.

The ultimatum is after months of other things, as well as him being very distant and not talking. She was grasping at straws, trying to keep everything. To hang on with everything she had and hoping that since he wasn't talking to her he would talk to someone. He said he would, it seemed to her that he wanted to work on things.

[Spanky]

Not to be an ass, but this didn't help:

He has been going thru something the past couple of months, so she suggested couples therapy, or therapy for him by himself.


Well my friend gave him the ultimatum (therapy), if you will, in October, she came back from a trip with her sister and mom and he seemed even more distant than he had before she left.

I'll admit I don't necessarily disagree with you on this. But something has been bothering him for over a year. Something has caused him to withdraw from his family. This is not something that just happened. He never talked to his wife. He just withdrew. No reasons given. That's part of why it's so bad. No one but himself knows the reason.

Again this has been going on for a while and she has been in the dark the whole time. She just knew that something was bothering him, but whenever she tried to talk he just avoided it. She and the kids have no idea if it is something they did, if it's him, or another woman, etc. They just don't know. And she tried. We all tried. I reached out to him and he basically ignored me. (yes I know I am the husband of his wife's best friend.)

[MFAWG]

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut...  

I'm not blaming her. He'd already left in any real sense of the term. And yes, it's probably connected to the death of the friend in that one tends to take stock of things when that happens.

[Spanky]

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut...  

No worries. I knew what you meant.