Just stay at home!!.....

How do you tell when a plane full of British tourists has landed? A selection of complaints from travellers from the UK

* We bought Ray-Ban sunglasses for five euros ($9) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

* The brochure stated: "No hairdressers at the accommodation." We're trainee hairdressers — will we be OK staying here?

* There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.

* We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.

* We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning.

* I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

* It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during "siesta" time — this should be banned.

* I was bitten by a mosquito — no one said they could bite.

* We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.

They generally give you a keychain or teeshirt for filling those things out on the package tours. People write any old stupid *feces*.

I'm thinking: Not enough towels in the hotel to mop after beheading the maid.