I need a joke

Guy walks up to the bartender and says "Hey, what's up with the donkey in back?"
Bartender says "1,000 bucks to anyone who can make him laugh."
Man walks back, whispers in the donkey's ear, and instantly the animal begins to whinny, and nay in uproarious laughter.

Next week, guy sees a sign that reads 5,000 bucks to whomever can make the donkey cry.  The man walked back, grabbed the rope holding the animal, and led him around the corner.  Only seconds passed as the man led the donkey back in the bar, wailing and moaning uncontrollably.

As the man approached the bar, the bartender said "Hey, I gotta know how you did it."  Man said "Last week, I told him my *8==>* was bigger than his.  Today, I proved it."

In a wee town in Eire.
Michael walked up and knocked on the door.  Margaret answered.  "Maggie, I've got terrible news.  It seems Sean has died on us today, at the brewery. "

"Oh, 'tis terrible.  Howd' it happen pray tell, Michael."  "Seems he fell in the vat, and drowned Maggie."

"Did he suffer Michael?"  "Nay.  He got out twice to pee."

Sven and Ole playing golf behind two women, who are playing very slowly.
Sven: I'm gonna run down the hill, and tell them to pick it up, or let us through.
Sven comes back up the hill.
Ole:  Did you tell them?
Sven  Nope.
Ole:  Why not?
Sven:  That's my wife, playing with my girlfriend.
Ole:  I'll do it.
Ole runs down, and back up.
Sven:  Did you tell 'em?
Ole:  Nope.
Sven:  Why?
Ole:  Same reason.