Question for my colleagues

Two-iron, my good pirate, sit down at the foot of my barcolounger and I'll tell you a little story about the purposes malls serve in america.

Late in my university career, before I met Mrs Blader, I was very dedicated to my studies but hardly bookish.  It was a period where I was enjoying everything that life had to offer.  I kept busy and was on the go constantly.  This included a handful of a semi-continuous platonic relationships with a few women, who together seemed to offer everything that was embodied in the perfect woman.  For example, one woman was a classmate and also my exercise buddy--we competed together on a Master's level swim team, and spent hours together in that capacity.  Another was a nurse on one of the hospital floors, who shared my interests fine wines, literature and the arts. 

Yet another was a women who enjoyed partying and the outdoors, with whom I shared a strictly ****ually platonic relationship.  She was an athletically striking, leggy, strawberry blonde, who had incredibly attractive physical features, among which was the somewhat permanent pouty face that you see in a woman possessing just a hint of an uncorrected overbite.  She was sort of like your own Nicole Kidman, but dare I say even more attractive?  If she had a fault, it was her cigarette smoking habit. 

Like most, if not all, strawberry blondes, she was rather over****ed and was a robust if not fearless experimentalist in the bed.  She was especially turned on by handsome, intellectual and athletic men.  Let's just say that we served each other's interests well, and go on with the story with this knowledge. 

It was a good relationship.  Until one fateful weekend when she invited me to 'visit her family' in a small town that, for the purposes of this discussion, happened to have a single, large regional shopping mall.

You ask, "what purposes do these malls serve?"  Well, almost everything I've told you up to this point is relevant, in the sense that who in the world would ever be stupid enough to 'break up' with a over****ed strawberry blonde?  And if one did ever 'break up' with an over****ed strawberry blonde, one had better have very, very serious concerns and a good fall back strategy to 'fill the vacuum', if you know what I mean. 

That Saturday evening, after a delightful but homey supper with her family, as if by cue, everybody oddly scattered silently about the house, to get their 'going out' clothes on.  We then piled into a couple of cars and headed over to the mall.  They were doing this for me, in some aspect, who as their weekend guest, they felt compelled to show the best entertainment that their town had to offer....of course, not really realizing that I enjoyed regular and ample entertainment from their daughter.

So we went over to the mall.....where we did absolutely nothing...for what seemed like hours on end.....a miserable eternity.

It seemed like the entire town was out there, just sort of meandering about, or sitting on the various mall benches watching everybody else meander about.  Nobody actually shopped at the mall on a Saturday night.  They just all went there to sort of hang out and sort of nod greetings to each other.  Probably everyone within a 100 square mile circle was doing the same thing that night.

The purposelessness of the evening slowly began to drive me absolutely batsh!t crazy.   I wanted out in the worse possible way, but I was trapped and was powerless but to endure it.

Worse, I could tell that my extremely over****ed strawberry blonde friend was enjoying the event and was most comfortably 'in her element.'

Worse, while watching her father sort of stand there in a mindless almost comatose state of the kind of senseless bliss that only comes from having been forced over a lifetime compromise to endure the repetitively mundane, I suddenly foresaw an alternative future for myself, one I'd never imagined in my most horrific dreams, flash before my eyes.   If this relationship continued, would I be like her father years down the road, unaware of what has become of my dreams and ambitions.

I had to think quickly, and at moments like that, even in my relative youth, I'd try to make sense of a problem by asking, "What would Richard Branson do?"

The strawberry blonde and I never copulated again after that evening.

Hope this helps

Oddly enough I had a eerily similar experience with malls in my early college years.  Now into my early adulthood years malls have come into my life much like the father in Blader's post. 

As college was winding down my friends and I met and began to hang out with a group of 5 sorority girls that lived together in this large house on campus.  Group assignments in class are seriously the best way to meet new girls.  Anyways all of their parents were fairly well off and the house was beautiful.  It was the place be really as sorority girls have lots of sorority girl friends and they threw big parties. 

I quickly began to take to the shy brunette closet *trollop* of the group.  We shared nothing in common other than our joy of copulation.  She was one of those girls that was just down if you know what I'm saying.  Well she graduated and went on to pharmacy school in downtown OKC and moved to NW OKC 30 miles away.  Needless to say our relationship shortly fizzled thereafter. 

During that time I began a frienship with her roommate the redhead.  We started to hang out just as friends, smoke pot watch the simpsons like all college kids in early courtship.  I suddenly realized that I not only want to copulate with her but I enjoy hanging out with her too.  We had a lot in common and enjoyed each others company.  So soon after we copulated over and over again while still enjoying the times we were resting and letting our fluids build back up.

Then in a blink of an eye we married and had a child.  Now we take the child and stroll him around the mall if only for a change of scenery.  With no desire to look at anything or purchase anything in particular we wonder around people watching and eating pretzels or cookies.  But our city is cool because we have two malls for a change of pace which especially comes in handy in the winter when it gets dark early and is too cold to walk outside. 

No worries blader.  Actually walking a 1 year old around the mall in a stroller is often more fun than watching said one year old get bored at home and try to climb on the brick hearth and injure himself. Once the child doesn't have to be entertained I will never occupy my time with such activities.

Oh and my wife has an expensively perfect overbite that only can be had by years of orthodontia and lots of money. 

But the shy brunette sort of had the pouty underbite thing going on so I totally appreciate that.


Circle of life my friend we just got to keep on keeping on and stuff.  Live and learn.  Take one day at a time you know. 

Oh yeah when I finally post the pic of Adrian Peterson's autograph you may or may not be able to see my wife in the reflection off the waterford crystal in the background.  She is quite ellusive and difficult to capture on photo sort of like the yetti but not.  More so when she had the baby weight and all but now back at her 'fighting weight' she'll pose for one.  Although my nude photos of her are artisticly tasteful IMO, I wouldn't want to violate the TOS on this site and all my photos are of such variety.  She looks sort of similar to the hot chick gunslinger in my avatar but not exactly.  You can use your imagination from there I'm certain.

OK here is another pick of the girl she kind of looks like.

That's not Hannah Montana? 

I wonder if Mrs Blader is a strawberry blonde with a slight overbite!!!

...and all I wanted to know was "Why?"