[RANT] You know what I hate Trendsetters??

You know what I hate? I hate:

* People who refuse to eat all week until they are sitting directly behind you in the cinema.

* Small dogs that yap, yap, yap.

* Ticket machines.

* Kids who fart in lifts and think it's funny.

* That bit at the end of the automated phone menu that says: "To listen to these options again please press hash".

* That quiet moment when you realise just as your plane is taking off for 10 days in Fiji that you really did leave the stove on.

* The indisputable fact that they print 40 times more copies of the A-K volume of the phone book than the L-Z one. Bastards.

* Bicycle couriers.

* When you're walking down the street and out of the corner of your eye you see a 20-cent piece in the middle of the road, so you risk death to get it, only to find that it's not a 20-cent piece but a bottle top that has been flattened by traffic.

* When you offer to buy a woman a drink at a bar and she says, "No, but I'll take the $6.50".

* Recycled jokes.

* That cyclists not only get their own part of the road to themselves but a good part of the footpath too.

* Dog owners who do not do that one thing they know they should, even if there's nobody around. You know who you are.

* When you're enjoying a tuna salad and you're halfway through and you're thinking it's the best tuna salad you've ever had, then suddenly you wonder, "Did dolphins die for this?"

* Cyclists in general.

* Someone you haven't seen since high school bumping into you on the street and instantly recognising you and you have no idea who he is but you give him your card anyway and nod your head when he says "Let's do lunch", then you're at the lunch and suddenly it clicks that this is the same person who used to steal your lunch and put your head under the tap but you can't exact revenge even though he deserves it because he's a priest now.

* When you pick up the extended "raunchier and rowdier" special-edition DVD of The Dukes of Hazzard, only to discover that it is neither "raunchier" nor, indeed, "rowdier".

* Cyclists. Just punching the point.

* Those times when you go to a party you don't really want to be at and the music stinks and the food is bad and there's cigarette smoke everywhere and you meet somebody you have been avoiding for ages and they end up talking to you for 40 minutes while they are smoking and then the host comes up and asks "Are you having a good time?" and you say "Yeah, great" and then you get home at 1.30am and turn on the TV and realise you have just missed Animal House.

* Seeing an old toy at a garage sale that you grew up with and that you thought you'd never see again and your mind gets flooded with all these great memories and they only want 20 cents for it so you search your pockets for change but all you have is a flattened bottle top.

* Watching moronic, deliberately irritating TV ads and then seeing the guy responsible for them being interviewed on some special about advertising and hearing him explain that being deliberately irritating is actually a way of "branding" a product, then finding out he gets paid 15 times what you do.

* Politicians who deflect tough questions by saying "I don't deal in hypotheticals".

* Interviewers who don't then say "That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever", which they should, followed by a smack to the politician's head with their clipboard.

* Buying those mega packs of noodles for no reason other than for the free set of removable tattoos inside, only to find you've got these ones already.

I hate cyclists.

I hate peanuts (any kind of nuts) in brownies, delivered by flatulent cyclists with cheap tattoos... hypothetically.